Parenting and Stretching the Truth …

Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

Hey parents!

Have you ever lied to your children?

Well…lying does sound somewhat harsh in this case.

Perhaps organizing the facts in a way that it will support your statement?

I sit here now with grandchildren and I’m mulling over some of the “things” my parents told me or I heard other parents tell their youngsters.

This isn’t really a lie but it’s more of a “family myth”.

When we spent time on Pelee Island in Lake Erie every summer, I would tell my daughters to watch the sun as it set.

I told them the moment the sun dipped below the horizon, you could see a wisp of steam just before the sun was totally below the horizon.

We’d sit there on the dock at Scudder, eyes squinted and as soon as the sun seemingly set in the Lake Erie waters, I’d say, “There! Did you see it?”

They would say, “No!” so I would tell them we’d just have to try again tomorrow night.

Now, as a kid growing up, I heard some beauties from my folks and other adults.

“You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you can resume swimming.”

Supposedly while your body was busy digesting he meal, it couldn’t send enough blood to your limbs so you’d get cramps and drown.

I think the parents just wanted additional time before they had to keep a close eye on us in the water.

“Play with a toad and you’ll get warts.”

I’ve proved this one wrong myself because I was always snagging toads and frogs. I’ve had more than one toad “pee” on me and maybe that washed away all the wart seeds.

“Don’t crack your knuckles or you’ll get arthritis.”

First of all, my dear Mother-in-Law Martha called it “Arthur-Itis”.

I think most adults didn’t like the sound because it reminded them of their own noisy joints.

Actually, knuckle-cracking can lessen your ability to grip things due to repeated over-stretching

“Don’t sit so close to the TV, You’ll go blind.”

There’s an episode of “The Simpsons” where Homer goes back to his childhood home and you can see his image on the living room wall from where he sat watching the tube.

I think our parents simply wanted to be able to see the television from where they were sitting without little heads in the way.

“Don’t swallow your gum! It takes seven years to digest!”

Again, my first-person experience has proven many times that gum goes all the way through the digestive system, usually in 2-4 days. Most chewing gum is not digestible.

“Don’t swallow watermelon seeds or else watermelons will grow in your stomach.”

First of all, the seeds couldn’t germinate in that stomach acid so the worse you can get from swallowing a lot of watermelon seeds is constipation.

The new seedless variety watermelons have taken all the fun out of spitting them.

Back in the day, I was pretty good for distance when it came to expectorating watermelon seeds.

I guess some festivals and picnics still hold actual competitions.

“Don’t cross your eyes. They might stay that way.”

There’s no truth to that statement.

However, you might know some folks with “strabismus”.

That’s a condition with one or both eyes not properly aligned.

How about Abraham Lincoln?

Then there’s Marty Feldman.

He simply had “wonky” eyes.

“Eating turkey makes you sleepy.”

Truth be known, we blame that on tryptophan but chicken and beef contain just as much as turkey.

Fact is, we get drowsy after eating turkey when we team it up teaming it up with mashed potatoes, gravy, dressing, candied yams, rolls and butter followed by pie and then watching boring football games is what puts us to sleep.

“Eating carrots is good for your eyes.”

Well, they do contain Vitamin A which is good for eye health.

Plus, we seem to associate rabbits with eating carrots and I’ve never seen one wearing glasses.

“You’ll get tetanus if you step on a rusty nail.”

Or worse yet, lockjaw.

Now tetanus is caused by a bacteria than can sometimes be found on old, rusty objects, like nails.

But you can also find tetanus on objects with no rust at all.

Get a deep cut from something…rusty or not…see the doc.

“If you go outside with wet hair on a chilly day, you’ll catch a cold.”

Nope.

Colds are caused by viruses.

Same reason you can’t catch a cold by not wearing your coat and hat.

You might get “cold” but you won’t catch one with the fashion mistake.

Oh, the fibs we used to tell!