Malapropisms, Spoonerisms and Yogi-isms…

Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

I noted recently that it was “Mammogram” day and I had to chuckle.

My dear Mother-in-law, Martha used to say she had to go to the doctor for her “mannogram”.

I used to consider Martha the “Queen of “malaprops”, the shortened version of “malapropisms”.

She used to blame her aching joints and pains on “arthuritis” (arthritis) and she would rub some “Joe Namath” on the sore spot since “Broadway Joe” was the pitchman for “Flexall 454”.

She also told us that one of her nieces was close to delivering a baby but if she didn’t give birth by a certain date, she was going to be “seduced” (induced).

Come to think of it, “seduced” might have been a factor in the first place.

I have an uncle who told folks that his one daughter had a hubby, born in Lebanon’ and he was a “lesbian” (Lebanese).

A malapropism is “the use of a word in place of a similar sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effects, as in, for example ‘He danced the ‘flamingo”(instead of ‘flamenco.’”)

Now, don’t confuse a “malaprop” with a “spoonerism”.

“Spoonerisms” occur when you accidently mix up the sounds of letters of different words (e.g; “chork pops” instead of “pork chops”)

One of the oldest and most-common malapropisms in modern English is
“irregardless”.

It’s the combination of 2 words with the same meaning; (regardless and irrespective) “despite prevailing circumstances” (or) “setting that aside for the moment”.

Malapropisms can also be known as “malaprops, acyrologoa or dogberryisms”.

The word comes from the French “mal a propos” which means “inappropriate”.

It all started with the 1775 comedy by Richard Sheridan, “The Rivals”.

The main characters were Mrs. Malaprop and Constable Dogberry.

Some of the play’s malapropisms include, “Illiterate” (obliterate) him from your memory”.

“She’s as headstrong as an “allegory” (alligator) on the banks of the Nile.

“He is at the very pineapple (pinnacle) of politeness”.

Then we have heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson who said, “I might just fade into ‘Bolivian’ (oblivion).”

Huckleberry Finn’s Aunt Sally chimed, “I was most ‘putrified’ (petrified) with astonishment.”

“All in the Families” Archie Bunker asked, “What do I look like, an “inferior” (interior) decorator?” or, “In closing, I’d like to say “Molotov” (Masel tov).”

David Letterman told Justin Bieber if he got anymore tattoos, he’d look like the Sistine Chapel.

Bieber replied, “I’m not going for the “sixteenth” (Sistine) chapel look.”

Former NFL coach Mike Smith once said his new coat had lots of “installation” (insulation).”

Former Chicago Mayor Richard Daley referred to tandem bicycles as “tantrum” and claimed his city’s O’Hare Airport was at the “crosswords” (crossroads) of the nation.

The “Master of Malaprops”, Norm Crosby said during a beer commercial, “I always keep Natural Light Beer on hand while I watch there athletes “perspiring” (aspiring) to achieve victory, ’cause these sporting “computations” (competitions) make me “dehibernated” (dehyrdated).”

Baseball’s Yogi Berra uttered a true malapropism when, discussing a switch-hitter, said, “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s “amphibious” (ambidextrous).

Now Yogi also has other memorable verbal gems, not necessarily malapropisms.

“When you come to a fork in the road…take it.”

“You can observe a lot just by watching.”

“We made too many wrong mistakes.”

“No one goes there nowadays. It’s too crowded.”

“I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.”

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.”

“Pair up in threes.”

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.”

“The future ain’t what it used to be.”

“I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”

“If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”

“You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.”

“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”

“Never answer an anonymous letter.”

“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”

“Take it with a grin of salt.”

“It gets late early out here.”

“I never said most of the things I said.”

“It ain’t over till it’s over.”

Ah, but this week’s blog is over!