Laughing at History…
Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …
History tells us that the March 5th, 1770 “Boston Massacre” resulted in 5 people being killed and 6 others wounded when British troops fired on an angry mob of colonists.
The British called it “self-defense” as they said the troops fired when threatened by the Bostonians.
If such an event happened today in a major American city, it would be labeled as another example of gun violence.
That’s how history can modify our perspectives.
We are headed towards a presidential election where less than a year ago about 60% of Americans said they didn’t really want to vote for either likely candidate.
Seemed like a great time for a third political party to step up but that fizzled.
It would be funny if it wasn’t so real.
In 1973, Bruce Springsteen released “Rosalita (Come Out Tonight” with these lyrics;
“Someday we’ll look back on this and it will all seem funny.”
While the view today doesn’t spark humor, there have been times in history when funny stuff did happen.
For example, during most of the Roman Republic and Empire, generals would keep several “sacred” chickens to consult when considering going into battle. They’d toss seed in front of the chickens. If the birds ate, it was time to fight. If they didn’t peck and eat, no battle.
One time a naval commander didn’t like it when the chickens didn’t eat the grain scattered before them.
He said, “If they don’t want to eat, let them drink” and he had the birds tossed into the sea.
The ensuing naval battle was a catastrophe with most of the Roman fleet wiped out.
The commander was accused of treason and heavily fined.
Buck! Buck! Buck!
Persian King Xerxes once punished the sea for ruining his bridge.
The ruler tried to have his men build a bridge across the Dardanelles Strait so his troops could get to Greece faster.
But a storm destroyed the structure and Xerxes ordered his troops to punish the sea by whipping it with chains 300 times and poking it with red, hot irons.
Wonder how Xerxes reacted when the water hissed at him?
Handcuffs were also tossed into the waters to symbolize the sea’s submission to the king’s authority.
On October 8th, 1784, there was “The Kettle War”.
The Dutch kingdom and the Holy Roman Empire came to blows in a short naval battle.
The lone casualty was a kettle full of soup, struck by a cannonball from the only shot that was fired.
In 1945, during World War II, American troops were pushing through Germany.
General Dwight Eisenhower sent a message to General George Patton, instructing him to NOT take the city of Trier because it would take 4 divisions to seize the city.
Patton messaged back, saying, “Have taken Trier with 2 divisions. What do you want me to do? Give it back?”
At the height of the Cold War, someone in the halls of the of the Central Intelligence Agency in Langley, Virginia came up with this plan.
Take thousands of extra-large condoms, labeled “medium” and parachute them into the Soviet Union.
This “intelligence” official thought this would undermine the morale of the Soviet people by implying American men were “superior”.
In 1976, the U.S. launched “Operation Paul Bunyan” to cut down a tree in the Korean demilitarized zone that was blocking the view of the area.
They went in tanks, Special Forces, various other vehicles, Tae Kwon Do experts, soldiers with M-16 rifles, grenade launchers, mines and helicopters.
Hmm.
Did anyone remember a chain saw?
Will these days we’re living turn out to be a funny moment in history?
Probably depends on who’s laughing.