How to Survive January…

Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

So how are things going for you in the month of January?

This is the first month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars.

On average, it’s the coldest month of the year in the northern hemisphere.

January is named after “Janus”, the god of beginnings and transitions in Roman mythology.

March was originally the first month of the year in the old Roman calendar but January took over that spot around 450BC.

“Ianuarius” was the Saxon term for “Wulf month” (wolf month).

According to folklore and Indian legend, the January full moon is known as the “wolf moon”.

See? It all ties together.

Unlike our past few January’s, this one has been more “January-like” than many.

We’ve had several stretches when high temperatures never got above freezing in these parts so Charlemagne’s designation of January as “wintermanoth” or “winter-cold month” rings true this year.

Snow removal has been an activity we’re all taken part in.

My bride and I have been diligent in keeping the driveway cleared.

The first “big one” required nothing but shovels since my wimpy snow thrower would always gag on the slushy snow beneath the fluffier stuff.

I have always been “militant” when it comes to removing snow.

(My wife would say “anal”).

I like the drive cleared to the edge where just a bit of the grass can be seen.

Shoveling is the best way to get some high mounds along the drive so that when the thaws come, you can have snow around longer than most.

I also hate to drive over my driveway before I have the snow cleared.

Don’t like those packed-down, white snake-looking tracks when I’ve pushed away the loose snow.

That’s when I call on my flat shovel to finish the job

Did you know you can spray “Pam” or silicone on your snow shovel?

Keeps you from having to lift some of the snow more than once.

We also took advantage of the cold and snowy January to replace the 2nd ceiling light and exhaust fan in the master bathroom.

This was a “retrofit” but we still had to cut some drywall to fit the new unit in.

The box the new unit came in said you only needed 6 items to complete the job; measuring tape, hammer, screw driver, drywall saw, wire nuts and duct tape.

Wrong!

You almost need that may items just to open the box that the new unit came in.

We needed a drill, metal and wood screws, a ladder, flashlight, a piece of scrap wood and someone with hands smaller than my “Coco the Gorilla” grippers.

This opening we were working with was about 10″ by 9″.

I weigh projects like this on a “swear word” curve.

I totally exceeded my allotment on this project.

I also made it an official “Foster project” by incorporating a little DNA in the work when I nicked my thumb on some metal and dripped a little O-negative at the worksite.

Plan on walking a couple of miles from the worksite in the bathroom to the tools in the garage.

My wife saved me a lot of “up and down ladder time” by being handy to fetch dropped items.

They were always followed by a profanity of sort.

There were times my bride ascended the ladder because she could maneuver better in the work space with her smaller hands.

I became a pretty good “ladder steadier” while offering a shoulder to boost her climb to the highest work step.

The job is almost complete.

I still have to climb into the attic with the insulation that fell from our construction opening and re-distribute that itchy pink cotton after doing a military crawl of about30 feet.

Can’t wait for that day!

At least it won’t be hot in the attic when I do it in January.

The other task that’s kept me jumping is re-stocking the front yard birdfeeders.

Our feathered friends are simply ravenous, as was the hawk who visited the other day looking for something to “eat” as well.

I developed a bad habit of making my own suet cakes which incorporate oatmeal, cornmeal, sugar, flour, meal worms and a dab or two of bacon grease.

Those cakes don’t even last a full day with our “ghetto birds”.

On occasion a woodpecker or a wren or two can squeeze in but even the blue jays think our clientele is too rowdy.

So, that’s how we pass the time in this period someone referred to as “the month of Mondays”.

Seems pretty much on the mark to me.