Flushed With Success…

Johnny-on-the-Spot … by John Foster …

When you mention the month of November, most folks will think of “Election Day’” “Veterans Day” or “Thanksgiving”.

But the 19th was “Toilet Day”.

The oldest “potty” is reported to be in Knosson, Greece (on the island of Sicily) and it worked for over 4,000 years.

The typical life expectancy for a “crapper” today is about 50 years.

I’ve replaced a number of “johns” in our homes over the years.

I know about “wax rings” quite well.

I found a little green plastic Army man in the trap of a “privy” I replaced in one of our Ohio homes.

Our current guest bathroom has a “throne” that claims to be able to flush 6 golf balls.

(I’ve never tried to prove that!)

We Americans use the “water closet” about 2,500 times a year (not counting colonoscopy prep) and we’ll spend about 3 years of our lives sitting on the “can”.

“Toilet” comes from the French “toile” which means “the act of washing, dressing and preparing oneself”.

The next time you use a public restroom, remember the cubicle closest to the entrance gets used the least so it’s generally the cleanest.

BTW, why is toilet paper in most public restrooms more like wax paper than Charmin?

Most of us use 57 sheets of TP every day.

About 75% of us place toilet paper in the holders so the flap comes over the top of the roll.

Studies reveal 40% of us fold it while 60% crumple and wipe.

The Scott Paper Company is credited with being the 1st manufacturer to use a roll for toilet paper.

In 1935, the Northern Paper Company proudly introduced the first “splinter-free” bathroom tissue.

(A definite improvement over outhouse corn cobs).

We Americans use enough toilet paper each year to go to the Sun and back.

(And you wondered why toilets get clogged!)

Thirty percent of all water used inside houses is for flushing toilets and it typically costs us 1.3 cents per flush.

The 1st flushing toilet is credited to Sir John (imagine that!) Harrington, the grandson of Elizabeth the 1st.

A toilet can use up to 7 gallons of water each time it’s flushed.

Most toilets flush in the key of E flat.

Did you know whenever you flush the toilet with the lid up, you create a “toilet plume” that spreads bacteria for up to 6 hours on the towels, counter tops and your tooth brush?

However, you’ll typically find 18 times more bacteria on a mobile phone than a toilet flush handle.

The typical kitchen cutting board has 200% more fecal bacteria than you’ll find on a toilet seat.

Want some more “grimy” facts?

Studies say only 80% of us was our hands after using the toilet and only 30% of those will use soap.

Plus, only 5% of us wash our hands for the recommended minimum of 15 seconds, the time required to sing “Happy Birthday” twice.

Now, this is disgusting but folks in the 16th century thought that hanging clothes near toilets helped keep fleas off of them due to the strong ammonia aroma.

Which brings me to the first toilet air freshener; a pomegranate stuffed with cloves.

More than 7 million of us have confessed to dropping cell phones in the “commode” and the amount of time one spends on the “throne” is directly proportional to the number of apps or features on that device.

China has public toilets specifically designed for dogs which is crazy because somewhere between 2.5B and 4.5B people around the world have no access to a modern toilet.

Now, I have experience with outhouses and “slit trench” facilities.

If you’ve noticed, I’ve put quotations” around other names for toilets.

What about “The Loo”?

It’s short for the French phrase “watch out for the water” (Guardez L’eaui).

But, I’m not done yet.

The most expensive toilet might be the suction-style model built for the International Space Station.

NASA invested more than $20M for that beauty.

However, the Japanese Toilet Company “Toto” has a model for $19,000 that comes with a night light, heated seating and built-in deodorizer with a remote trigger.

There’s a toilet-themed restaurant in Taipei, Taiwan, “Modern Toilet” with toilet-shaped seats and dishes resembling wash basins and toilet bowls.

There’s also a toilet-themed park and museum in South Korea.

Be careful when you visit the “powder room”.

England’s King George II died in 1760 after falling off his toilet.

Before you laugh, consider that 40,000 Americans are injured on or near toilets every year.

Now, I think I’ve run out of “toilet facts”.

I’m “flushed” with relief!